Why Lauren Conrad 'Still Gets So Embarrassed' Watching 'The Hills'

Ten years have passed since Lauren Conrad made that fateful drive from Laguna Beach to Hollywood, captivating audiences as a young twentysomething on MTV’s The Hills, but the lifestyle maven says she still cringes at certain memories.

“I get so embarrassed for myself,” Conrad tells PEOPLE with a laugh. “We were so unfiltered and I think that’s what made the show. We were honest, and we just didn’t know any better. I said some of the stupidest stuff!”

The 30-year-old designer and Celebrate author revisits iconic scenes from the show on an MTV special, The Hills: That Was Then, This is Now, premiering Aug. 2.

“One that was really hard to watch was my first on-camera kiss with Brody [Jenner],” says Conrad. “The producers were like, we know you’ve kissed off camera, we need to see it on camera. I agreed to it, but it was just so uncomfortable. I wanted to die. I still get idiot shivers when I watch it.”

Conrad left the show in 2009, midway through The Hills‘ fifth and penultimate season.

“I stayed as long as I could,” she says now. “I had a lot of pushback, but it was the right time for me. I don’t have any regrets about that.”

Fans still love to talk about the show, Conrad says, though “the only thing people bring up to me is Paris!”

“People still want to give me a hard time about not going,” she adds. “I’m like, ‘I went the next season!’ ”

As far as the tougher moments – ‘Who would enjoy having painful breakups immortalized on screen? – Conrad says, “They’re so important.”

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“The hard times make you appreciate things later on,” she says. “It was necessary for me to go through everything I did.”

Now happily wed to attorney William Tell since 2014, Conrad has her hands full with successful clothing brands, a lifestyle website and an online fair trade marketplace, The Little Market.

“I definitely hoped I’d get to this place, but I don’t think I ever imagined it for myself,” says Conrad. “I just feel so very lucky.”

The Hills: That Was Then, This Is Now airs Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET on MTV.